Can You Really Have It All?

Call me greedy, but I want it all, I do. 

The perfect job, the amazing house, the wonderful husband, beautiful children, great friends, good body... the list goes on. 

Don't get me wrong, I am very lucky. I have amazing parents that still shelter and feed me for a small monthly fee, amazing friends, I have had a very successful week at work and am also currently being interviewed for some pretty good jobs roles too as I am looking to move on soon, and I am happy with my body, there's a few things I could change here and there but overall I'm confident to get naked in front of most people. 

However, there is still that one thing missing.... my love life. 

I am not an unhappy single, but I am still hung up on the Lobster. Even though he is a big knob head.... with no knob. 

In a previous post I explained how I was feeling after learning he is seeing someone, and it has been playing on my mind ever since, even more so since I discovered the girl is married. 

Yup, that's right. MARRIED!! 

He is seeing a married woman! 

I am a social media stalker, I saw the photos of her in her wedding dress only a few months ago.

WHAT.THE.ACTUAL.FUCK. 

I don't know the situation well enough to judge but still.... Call me old fashioned but for me, thats the dream, to get married, have babies, make a home. 

I understand its not for everyone and sometimes these things don't work out... But thats my Lobster :( 

I am a bag of mixed emotions and contradictions at the moment. 

I need to keep on remembering him for the arsehole he is and all the bad times. 

It just seems when one area of your life is going fucking fantastic, other parts can be terribly shitty. 

So can we really have it all or is it just a wonder woman myth? 

Is it too much to ask for the fairy tale?

You Get What You Expect...

In one of our many over-analysing conversations a friend of mine said "You only get what you expect" and I think she may have a point. 

If I think back, after learning I was never going to get what I wanted from the Lobster I regretfully and now embarrassingly accepted his behaviour as normal, therefore not expecting much thus not receiving much. 

It's a mad old theory, but I think there may be method in the madness. 

If you don't expect him to text back he probably wont. 

If you don't expect him to take you out and treat you with respect he probably wont. 

If you don't expect much he will give you as little as possible. 

So expect the world and if he refuses to give you this... Walk away. 

You may be left disappointed but at least you'll have your dignity. 

Know your worth and don't let anyone treat you less. 

Back to Black... Remembering The Bad Times

So I had my suspicions the Lobster was seeing someone, he told me so himself but I didn't take much notice. 

However, I saw some friends of his last night who informed me of the girls name and that she is not local ( I have an idea who it might be) and it kinda bummed me out for the following reasons;

1. - She's not local. Typical commitment phobic behaviour, going for someone that is not that available / wont last. I have seen him have a long distance relationship previously. 

2. He has pursued someone else. He never put in any effort for me. What was wrong with me? Was I not worth it?

3. I miss him. I just want my friend back. Even though he has not apologised for the hurtful words and vile behaviour at christmas. 

I know, I get it right. 

HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. 

But that doesn't stop it from hurting. 

When I finally called a day on our situation I felt ok, it was on my terms I knew it wasn't getting me anywhere, but since hearing that he has moved on and is seeing someone else it has really thrown me. It don't help that I myself have not met anyone, I don't even feel remotely ready to yet. 

I have spent today in a black mood, feeling sorry for myself very Bridget Jones style, thinking how much I miss him, but do I actually really want him or not?

The thing is, we forget the bad stuff ever happened and look back fondly on the good times, but things ended for a reason. I need to remember the countless times I cried myself to sleep, had sleepless nights due to stress and how low and worthless he actually made me feel most of the time. 

So if you have ever been in a similar position repeat after me...

I.DESERVE.BETTER. 

The Single Girl's Guide to Surviving Valentines Day

Ah, the dreaded V Day is finally here! 

Having never had a serious boyfriend (Yes I know... 25 and I've NEVER had a serious boyfriend) I admit it's a not a day that I look forward to, especially with the sickening Facebook posts, a stream of flowers being delivered at work. And lets be honest, I think I would be sick if anyone ever bought me a cuddly toy saying 'I love you' on it. 

I believe that it is marketing that has made this the day to make us feel lonely... when the fact is, I don't feel any more lonely than I do any other day. 

Waking up this morning the only thing I wanted to spend the day with was my bed. The Lobster crossed my mind as he does every other day, but then he never got me anything for Valentine's Day anyway so I'm not missing out on anything there.  

I am grateful that I have all the things I need in life, great friends, a good family, alcohol and cats. Who needs a man?? 

I had offers to drink with my friends tonight, but its wet, cold, skint, Im lazy and much happier in my PJ's with a Domino's watching TV. 

However, tomorrow I will be going out and getting shit faced. 

Happy Valentines Day Ladies 

xoxoxo